In our business, we dissect conversation. We have this down to a science. We know what to say and when to say it, right? Well, supposedly. So, what about when God tells you NOT to speak when everything in you has been waiting for this moment? That’s exactly where He has me lately.
Our oldest son called us a few months ago asking if he could come to live with us for a stint. I confess, I was ecstatic. This was the moment we’d been waiting for! See, we’ve been waiting for a very important conversation.
Our family relationship has been strained for several years since our son revealed he’s an atheist. When we first learned he was walking away from Christianity, he was angry, ugly and really wanted to argue faith. My husband and I refused to argue to save the relationship. We chose to simply show love and wait for the day when it was time to open the discussion. When it could be more about a conversation and less about being right. And now, learning he was coming home, I thought…. “Yes! This is the time!” Instead, God’s been saying something more like, “Not yet, Suzanne. Be still.”
This is HARD. This adult child of ours, our first-born, the one who used to sing I Love You, Lord as his bedtime song and draw amazing art as he pictured the sermons each Sunday is not following Christ. And yet, he’s sitting with us at dinnertime. He’s doing his laundry downstairs. He’s laughing with us at a sitcom. The relationship is now great, and the opportunities to start the conversation are endless. Shouldn’t I be doing something?
I keep thinking that maybe I’m hearing wrong or that God might change His mind. So, when my son, sitting at the kitchen island, asked me about Skillet the other day I silently asked God, “Now? Can I use this as a jumping off point?” His answer: “Nope… not now.” (SIGH)
God does not need me to defend Him. And, He’s working it all out. I just have to stand on the promises of “raise up a child” and know that even when I feel nothing is happening, God IS working.
In our waiting we are to pray, wait for direction, and trust God for the outcome. But have I mentioned that being silent is not my strongest quality? Apparently patience isn’t high on the list either. So, yes, I AM vocal during this time… just not to my son. It’s in prayer with continued requests for God to work in my son’s life.
Lord, please let today be the day.
But, until then, I will pray and wait and trust in You.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.
KGBI / Station Manager